Ups and Downs

When I want to post a joyful post, I am down again.

Life, isn't what I expected. I was a man who plan ahead, but not anymore. I was a man who is materialistic, but not anymore. I was a man who is responsible and bear my targets in mind, but not anymore. But I'm still a straight forward and honest guy.

I've changed so much, I don't even know what I want now. I don't really know who am I though.

I've no more to say, but to sing 3 songs...

Amazing Grace 奇异恩典
This is My Father's World这是天父世界
Jesus, Take Me Near The Cross 求主使我近十架

Gosh, when am I gonna feel good and continue posting?

Before Chinese New Year...

My life seems to be more interesting and busier now. That's the greatest excuse not to blog. :p

Okay... I finally prepared something to share with you all. It's the 10 things that I did in year 2010.

Why 10? Cause it's 2010. I don't think you want to read my post with 2010 things that I did right?

Okay, let start with the first one.
I painted the swing, in one week. :) I did it after work and church. That would be my physical training week... Never think that it's easy... If yes, could you overturn the whole swing by yourself alone? Hehe, I can! Of course after prayer la...

2....

Gained 3 kgs... :) So happy with it, as I had never gain weight that fast before... Hehe, fat or fit?

3...

New year new shoe... As my old shoe had been with me for years, and it finally open its mouth. I guess it just wanna tell me something... Hmm...

4...
Clear my Form 5 books and my room, which I did not even wipe the table for years. Of course that's not the situation of my table now la, that was taken during SPM. Now seems a lot better, but still... Hehe

5...

Created my very own trademark... :)

6...

"Repaired" my sister's phone and get this as a reward. Worth?

7...

Finally can foster a closer relationship with the young lads. Throughout the whole process, I found that I'm nothing at all, but God is everything! :)

8...

Enrolled into Basic NCO Training School(BNTS) for the thrid time. Will be joining as a second year camp helper and photographer again... Umm Haa Haa again?

9...

Trimmed my very very long hair... Smart leh?

10...

And finally get my car banged...

Have a blessed Chinese New Year.... :)

Hope that you won't get the 10th thing I've done during your CNY celebration.

Amazing Grace...

Did you lost something?

Are you sure?

Did you just suddenly can't think of something that you really need?

In the meetings, did you find yourself squeezing your brain yet there's no outcome?

Did you trying to plan hardly but you just can't do it?

Yes, there's a problem. Because you have too much.

You have too much of experience, too much of self opinion, too much of hateness, too much of anger, too much of problems, too much of ideas.

But you don't have what you really should have. It's the passion.

Even you have the passion, you got to have enthusiasm.

Even you have the enthusiasm and passion, you gonna have a God.

When you have everything, you don't actually own them.

When you have God, you have everything. :)

It's my testimony to all of you. I've try my very best to do all those, but I failed.
I turned back and seek God for everything. And He gave me. :)
Out of my expectation. May God bless me with it. :)

Practical Man-Making

I don't cry anymore(for now), but allowing my tears to flow.

I feel that I'm quite emotional lately. Maybe it's because of something we call touching.

Soon Kai invited me back to CLBU01 to help in their Frasa Drill practice. Yeah, a memorable competition to me. Hehe. After few empowerment, I pray for it. Few nights before, I shared with Joshua my thoughts and the situation of BB now. After some moment, he suggested an idea to me, which will be my drilling policy from er.... now on. Hehe. Which is NO PRAYER, NO DRILL...

I've regretted for what I've done. Nono, it's for what I've not done. So, I'm back to do what I suppose to do right now, with a clear object and purpose! :) Nice~

Back to the drill now. Yes, I lead. Blur-ly... Hehe. The night before, Soon Kai told me that his target was completing all the basic drill movement of the Frasa Comp. To me, aiya, easy nia la. But hor, since he say like that, then it should be 77 88 ma hor... But nope, I was shocked indeed. Then I exhorted them for most of the time. Lol... When it came to purpose, I asked, "Why are you here? What is your target?" Then I was quite disappointed with myself, because I just want to share the good news, the gospel, to tell them the truth. But sadly, I did not make it.

I see them in my dreams, I see them when I pray, I ask God to save them, but I just didn't do it. Will I repeat my mistakes again?

I just read Berita Anchor Volume 8, December 2009, pg24 and 25, entitled "Practical Man-Making". After reading the 1st paragraph, I was like "WAH, chim~". The English were so deep, really 1914 English... However, there's just something that keeps me concentrate the whole text. I'll tell you that it's ain't easy for me to bear with the very long and deep-Englished article, but I'm not regret for investing my time on it. It's worth, even it takes me one whole day, I will also finish it. Yes, I love history(not those taught in your text book one la), especially BB History, because they makes me a better BB Boy. I'll try to share more on the article and also 'The Endless Night"(extention of Expedition 2009 post). Besides awsome, I think I wouldn't find a better word to describe it!

Being a BB leader, and also a Christian, I was taught to be different. We have a mission to the world, but we are never belong to the world. This very long article reminds me for what should I do, tell me what I haven't do, and inspire me to do what matter most for God and motivated me to serve with all my heart! I wouldn't say much, but just read it!

There are so many quotes in the article, but I'm gonna quote one, which I love it a lot.

"No man is a man until he has learnt how to obey." A. H. A

The Cry

I slept late, because I just don't want to sleep.
I slept early, because I'm just tired.

I woke up late, because I feel that I'm not ready to face the day.
I woke up early, because I just can't sleep.

I dreamed, almost everynight.
It's not a nightmare, it's not my desire.
But they made me cry and question,
I just wanna ask Him, is it from You?

I just don't understand, it is just a dream or it's a vision?
I never experience it though.
I've prayed. I seek. I want to confirm that it was His voice.

I've seen a lot of unsaved souls... I'm sad...
Maybe it's time. But I'm not sure whether I'm awake.

I want, yes I want, but not now Dear.
I feel like I have everything, I'm thankful for that.
I just don't want anything more that's not worth eternity, I want and I ask for the Kingdom to come.

I'm stress, just like you all.
I need empowerment, just like you all.
I need love and support, just like you all.
But I don't want to release my stress and sorrow just like you all.

I don't want to shout to feel better.
I don't want to cry to feel better.
But I want Him to make me feel better.

阿爸，父! 我是个哭宝对吧？

Goal

Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I'll give you a man who will make history. Give me a man with no goals and I'll give you a stock clerk - J.C. Penny

Good?

It seems everyone wanted a good life. But what kind of life is counted as good?

I cried in the worship session, thinking what had I did in January. And I think of NOTHING that is worth in eternity. Btw, I had one of the very good worship session today. I cried and cried... I thought of a lot of things... Thought of the Friends, a lot of scripture, my mission and what are the things that I really need to do. It's an empowerment!!!

I'm quite happy with what I have now. All I need is work and learn. After 2 years of wasting time, I'm finally back, but not with the oldself, but the new one! I had a talk with the 'entau' for a while, and this record the longest time I kept quiet when he is talking. Although I still have a lot of opinion, I actually bit my tongue and listen to what he said. Btw, I learnt something, that's call respect, which I've lost it sometime ago.

I think I know what should I do now. I'll run like a Mustang, freely, but with purpose, and with a guidance. I'll soar like an eagle, freely, but also with a purpose, and all for the glory of the Lord.

Life driven by purpose is a good life to me. :)